Royal Wedding through the Heart

"Now and then, in this workaday world, things do happen in the delightful storybook fashion, and what a comfort that is."
- Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

 I have been unable to get this quote out of my mind for the last few days as I have been drinking in -- okay, maybe guzzling -- all forms of media coverage of the Royal Wedding of William and Kate.

Did anyone else notice that Prince William wore exactly what the Handsome Prince is wearing at his wedding in Cinderella? The fairy tale has truly come to life right before my eyes.

And my heart rejoices.


As I sat on my couch with a huge, goofy grin on my face, I realized that this wedding was doing something internally that no other wedding I have watched has ever done. Something inside of my chest was being released, was being reborn. Every so often, something, some event, awakens this in me. I needed to press in, to find what this was.

As the excitement settled to the bottom of the glass of my mind, I could see my thoughts and feelings a bit more clearly. What was remaining in this glass was the deep-seated knowledge that I was created for something more, something not "common" by any definition. My heart had found a bit of home, a bit of comfort, a bit of affirmation in watching the Royal Wedding.

For a few minutes of the hours of spectacle, my husband watched with me. (He actually did not change the channel during one of the wedding replay specials.) I was more than a little intrigued . . . my sports-loving, explosion-addicted, shoot-up-the-bad-guys husband was actually watching the Royal Wedding willingly.

So, I had to ask him. What does watching this stir in you? What is going on internally as you watch this? His answer resonated with my own, but from the male perspective. What gripped him was the pomp, the tradition, the regalia, the formality, the honor of the soldiers, the history apparent, the duty that was called forth on an occasion such as this.

Both he and I found the innate knowledge of "something more" called forth in us as we watched.

But of course this would rise up in me, and indeed should rise up in me. It is truly woven into the very fabric of who I am, woven there by the One who made me, placed there so that I would thirst for Him. He actually tells us that He has "placed eternity in [our] hearts. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) In the truest sense, this -- this wedding of a commoner to a prince, this rise from nobody to somebody, this calling forth of beauty, this honor, this regalia -- this is what I was made for.

When He speaks of me in His Word, He says things like,

My darling, you are lovely in every way . . . You are a royal crown of beauty in My hand . . . I delight in you . . . I rejoice over you . . .I celebrate and sing because of you . . . You shine like the sun . . . I, the King, desire your beauty . . . you are all glorious within . . . I have sought you out . . . You are clothed in the finest fabric, bright and clean . . . wrapped in it . . .Nothing can separate you from my love . . . I have fought for you and won . . . You are mine and no one can take you from me.*

But I have several friends who have really struggled with this event. They have spat out words like "dumb" and "stupid" and "waste of money."

It makes my heart sad to hear them say things like this, not so much because it dampens my joy but because such a strong negative reaction tells me that there are wounds somewhere in each of these women and men that have never been healed -- a lie spoken to them that has killed this part of their heart. They have been told somewhere along the line (either by a person they respect or by their own disappointed heart) that there is nothing "more," that fairy tales do not come true, and that it is silly to believe that sort of thing. But I can tell by the energy of their reactions that these false beliefs create a dissonance in their souls. And well they should.

There is a reason that every culture around the globe has royalty (and when their is void -- as in America -- the culture creates their own version of royalty, i.e. our Hollywood A-listers). There is a reason that we, as humans, feel the need to look up to someone, to admire beauty, to long for the happy ending, to thrill at the sense of the heroic, of doing one's duty.

These things were written into our very beings. They call us to Him.

Will I receive a royal crown on earth? No. Did  I marry into a royal family? No. But I have already begun to taste a bit of what I will receive when I finally meet my Love face-to-face, and it is far better than anything this earth can possibly come up with. Oh, to see the love in His eyes! I just can't wait for that moment.

But for now, I can rejoice fully in the "tastes" of heaven that I get here on earth. I can delight in the beauty, in the fairy tale, in the honor and call to something more. I can let my heart swell with the joy of the event. I can allow it to create a desire, a yearning, a thirst. And then I can turn to Him and tell Him how excited I am for our day to come . . .

And what a comfort that is to remember here in my common world.



* Song of Solomon 4:7, Isaiah 62:3-5, Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 34:5, Psalm 45:11 , 13, Isaiah 62:12,  Revelation 19:8, Isaiah61:10, Romans 8:39, John 19:30, John 10:28-29

Royal Wedding through the Eyes

My heart has been brimming with delight the last few days because of this event. I truly haven't been able to sort out all of my thoughts, but they are settling into two distinct camps -- what delighted my eyes and what delighted my heart. More on the latter is to come. For now I will pour out what delighted my eyes . . .and what just plain made me laugh . . . or cringe.

There were so many things right about this event by way of beauty and adornment, that I experienced a bit of sensory overload. Usually (as with the Oscars) there are plenty of "misses" and only a handful of "hits." With the Royal Wedding, I found it to be reversed. But the misses were there, and they made me smile.

Top of my Missed the Mark list are the Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice. Sigh.

Holy Tornado, Batman.

Let me just say that I love hats. I wear them. I delight in them. I think that fascinators (small, usually clip-on hat/hairpieces) are beautiful and can be worn with great style (see Princess Kate, left), but bless these girls hearts, they just took a giant misstep into the land of the ugly stepsisters. Seriously, a canoe hat and a funnel cake hat? For the Royal Wedding? Yikes. And don't get me started on Princess Eugenie's dress. I'll just point out that this is the wrong silhouette for her frame. 'nuff said.

Another one to make my Missed the Mark list is Princess Anne. Possibly she was aiming for "light spring bouquet," but I think that she came off looking like a crazy mix of the Mad Hatter and the Wicked Witch of the West.

Truth be told, I love the colors, I love the coat, I love the hat, I love the shoes, but these things just didn't play well together, and with her up-do, they started an all-out war.

It is a sad Miss because it was within inches of being a Hit.

Next up is Tara Palmer-Tomkinson wearing an electric blue costume by Debra Miller. The dress is a beautiful design with the high collar, sweeping sleeves and form-fitting silhouette. The heels are gorgeous with their sling-backs and peep-toes. The hat is definitely a statement, but her figure is long and lean enough to carry it off.

The Miss came in with the color. I know that British fashion is different from American fashion -- a bit more zany and extravagant over the ocean, they are. But regardless of that, I really struggle with any woman who comes decked out to a wedding in such at way that it competes with the bride in an obvious way.

Ms. Palmer-Tomkinson did just that. Electric blue does not rejoice, "I celebrate with you!" It screams, "Has anyone noticed that I look like a Smurf from head to toe?!?!"

And last on my Missed the Mark list is the Prime Minister's wife -- Samantha Cameron, wearing a Burberry London dress. The dress is "Meh." It just doesn't do anything for her, and it looks more like a dress to be worn to the office and less like a dress for the Royal Wedding.

The real reason she so clearly misses the mark is that she is missing a very important piece of her ensemble. Who attends a wedding in London -- or anywhere in England, for that matter -- without a hat? And this was not just any wedding, but the Royal Wedding.

I'm fairly ignorant of British politics, but I sincerely hope that this was not a planned snub of the monarchy. There is a time for politics and for making statements, but weddings are not those times. The entire statement of the outfit is, "Oh, a wedding? We're going to a wedding? Eh, well, I guess this will do."

I will assume the best of her. This was not a snub of the monarchy. This was just a complete lack of fashion sense and decorum. Well, at least her shoes look good.




Enough of the Missed the Mark List. On to my favorites --

The woman whose hat captivated me is Sophie Winkleman. And it wasn't just her hat, but her entire ensemble (Giorgio Armani). Her hat (designed by the hat designer of Britain, Philip Treacy) is a perfectly balanced blend of decor and function. It breeds the ole' straw sun hat with art. By sliding the hat off-center and balancing it with a modern twist on a flower, Treacy makes a gorgeous statement.

Wisely, Ms. Winlkeman wore her hair up and allowed her beautiful pearl earrings to stand out against her dark coif and navy hat and dress. Nude-coral lipstick accents her full lips without making them compete with her hat for attention. I offer a hearty well-done for this look!

As to the royal family, I applaud the Queen for her daring foray into the land of yellow (not a traditional color for the Queen to wear). Her suit (designed by Angela Kelly) is sweetly modern for  her with its tucks around the neck, and her diamond brooch -- Queen Mary's True Lovers Knot -- is an endearing nod on her part to the young couple. I would have loved a bit more curve and sweep for her hat (it comes off looking a bit starched next to her modern-ish suit), but I think that overall it works well for her position and age. She's just so cute! Not sure I can say that about the Queen of England . . .





And then there is Princess Kate . . .

Much has been said about Princess Kate's dress. As soon as I saw it, my mind starting searching its archives for where I had seen its inspiration. While I don't know exactly where Alexander McQueen's designer Sarah Burton found her inspiration, I would like to think it was Princess Grace's dress. I've long loved Princess Grace, and now Princess Kate has worked her way into my heart with her choice of this dress. (Well, okay, she's also dear to my heart because of her endearing smile and general fashion savvy -- oh, and she's a brunette princess!)

While I love the high neck that Princess Grace wore, I like the v-neck that Princess Kate chose. The V of her dress elongates her neck and creates a very regal look for her. And I do love Princess Kate's dark hair being worn down -- a beautiful contrast to her veil and the white lace on her shoulders.

Confession:
I'm a bit ashamed to say that Pippa Middleton's gown kept distracting me from Princess Kate's. I love the wedding dress, but Pippa's gown was magnificent and she wore it elegantly. Her lithe frame is the perfect form upon which to drape this Alexander McQueen creation. From the loose, capped sleeves to the draped cowl, from the row of buttons down the back to the slight train, I am in love with the dress. Wow. And being white, I love it even more. Instead of being some sort of gaudy addendum to the brides' train, she was a soft completion of it as she carried and straightened it.

And my surprise-to-me favorite look from the Royal Wedding comes from a very unlikely source -- Princess Ameerah of Saudi wearing a custom-made Zuhair Murad. From the hat to the shoes, I love this look on her. The nude color is absolutely stunning against her dark skin and jet-black hair -- and she picked the right nude for her skin-tone with just a blush of pink to it. I love that she swept her hair over her shoulder like a luxurious mink stole. Her diamond earrings stand out against the palate of nudes with just the right sparkle. The fitted bodice of the dress flairs into a soft ruffle of lace a the bottom . . . gorgeous.

And can I just say that it's classic that her husband has a cell phone stuck to his ear at the Royal Wedding. Apparently men the world over are in love with their phones.

Side Note: Is the Princess of Saudi allowed to go into public "uncovered" like this?

There were a few more Misses (Posh Spice with stripper shoes) and Hits (Letizia, Princess of Asturias, in her simple and delicate blush-colored dress by Felipe Varela), but these were my very favorites. Sigh. Such a delight to my eyes! More to come on what delighted my heart . .

Not Good Enough

Keep your eyes on the Lord!

You will shine like the sun and never blush with shame.

Psalm 34:5

This verse has always gripped me, as I have always felt insufficient, like a failure in some area,  not good enough, not pretty enough, not competent enough, and on and on and on.

Because my constant companion has been these feelings of "not enough," shame has always been my constant companion, as well. I have needed to hide my insufficiencies so that no one would see them and shame me because of them.  

Blech.


This has led to some serious, constant, exhausting running-dancing-tapping-jumping to keep everyone from seeing all that is true about me -- that I actually am not "good enough" or "smart enough" or "pretty enough" to win the race of life. I am a failure in so very many ways. And what a relief it is to admit!

This last week, I read Isaiah 50:6-7. Again, I was gripped in a similar way as I have been gripped by Psalm 34:5. This passage, also, speaks of not being ashamed. It is a prophetic passage in which Isaiah is speaking for Jesus, and Jesus says this:

"I gave my back to those who strike Me,
And my cheeks to those who pluck out the beard:
I did not cover My face from humiliation and spitting.
For the Lord helps Me,
Therefore, I am not disgraced:
Therefore, I have set My face like flint,
And I know that I will not be ashamed."

Now, if anyone experienced true shaming, it was Christ. He was beaten, called a blasphemer, spat upon, His clothing stripped from Him, His beard (a symbol of manhood) ripped out . . . and yet He was not ashamed, not disgraced.

I have been thinking on this, asking the Lord for how this could be true. Not disgraced? Of course He was! Not ashamed? He well should have been. But these verses say that He was neither.

The reason He was not:

He knew who He was,
               Whose He was, and
                          what He was here to do.

(I use past tense, though He lives, as reference to His time here on earth.)

So, is the answer that easy for me? To know who I am, Whose I am, and what I'm here to do? If I know these things, will the shame, the guilt, the "you're not good enough" that others paint me with (and I paint myself with) -- with these seriously not stick to me?!?!

The short answer is "yes," but Psalm 34 gave a pretty clear and all-consuming prerequisite for this to sink into my heart from my head.

My eyes have to be on Him.

I can't just know in my head that "Jesus loves me" and that I'm His daughter and that I'm here to love Him and others more and more fully. THAT won't cut it. Head knowledge is usesless in matters of the heart, and my heart won't believe what it hasn't experienced. I have to experience this love He has for me. I have to taste His delight. Have to sense His pride that I'm His daughter.

I have to keep my eyes constantly on Him so that all that I'm hearing is His voice and not the voice of self-condemnation and the voices of the condemnation of others.

When Isaiah (and Luke in Luke 9:51) spoke of Jesus having His face set "like flint" -- this was a one-focus, nothing-interfering heartbeat and mindset.

In order to not let the "not good enough"s of the world stick to me, I have to only be hearing one voice -- His. The rest will not phase me as I listen only to Him.

Easy? No.
Worth crying out to Him for? Absolutely.

So, I pray. I cry out for Him to enable me to hear only His voice. It is certainly a life-long process, and some days are better than others. But He is answering. As I soak in Him, His presence, His truth, He is answering my heart's cry.


~~~~~~~~~


These are some of the truths I love to soak in:

My darling, you are lovely in every way.
Song of Solomon 4:7

You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. It will no longer be said of you, "Forsaken" . . . But you will be called, "My delight is in her" . . . For the Lord delights in you . . . For as a young man marries a virgin . . .and as the bridegoom rejoices over the bride, So your God will rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:3-5

The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love, Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness."
Jeremiah 31:3

The Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love."
Zephaniah 3:17

I, the Lord, will build a fence of thorns to block her path.
She will run after her lovers, but not catch them: she will search but not find them. Then she will say, "I'll return to my first husband. Life was better then."
I, the Lord, will lure you into the desert and speak gently to you.
Hosea 2:6-7,14

I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love -- not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!
Romans 8:38-39

May your heart come awake to the One voice that speaks gently and lovingly all the time.

Feeling Abandoned

But I said, "The Lord has forsaken me, and the Lord has forgotten me."
Isaiah 49:14

These words were first spoken by Isaiah for the people of Israel who were feeling completely forsaken by the Lord during their exile in Babylon. They had been conquered and carried away and were feeling like the Lord had completely forgotten that they were His people, that He had promised to protect and guide them and be with them. Valid thoughts by Israel.

And they are my thoughts, too.



I began to ponder when, exactly, it is that I feel most forsaken, most forgotten, most abandoned by God.

Similarly to Israel, my greatest moments of despair are when I have prayed and prayed for something (usually release from some source of pain) and He has not answered my prayer. OR when I have prayed and prayed for something to become a reality, and He has not answered that prayer. In short, I feel abandoned most when He doesn't do things my way and in my time.

Huh.

Looks like Israel and I have much in common. Just as they did not understand that their time of captivity in Babylon was, indeed, for their good, for their health, and for them to have an expanded and corrected view of God, so I do not understand the same things.

When pain comes into my life, I immediately cry foul. Pain cannot coexist with love in my paradigm.

But He is changing that.

I am coming to see that pain not only can exist with love, it must exist with love. Without pain comes no change, no growth, no expanded and corrected view of Him. He is intimate with me in my pain. It is precisely there that He exists.

Far from abandoning me to my pain, He is tenderly present there.

Isaiah 49 goes on to say in the next verses
"Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on  the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands."

How intimate is the presence of a nursing mother to her baby? The sweet baby is actually drawing life from his mommy at her breast. How could she possibly forget that child? (And anyone who has ever nursed a baby knows that within a few hours, your chest becomes extremely hard and painful if the child does not nurse -- it is physically impossible to forget the child you are nursing!)

But God says, even if that were to be able to happen, even so, I will never forget you. I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands -- and this is no tattoo on His palm (tattoos don't stay on the palm because of the high cellular turnover). This is a literal carving of my name into His palm -- a deep cutting, with blood, to get my name permanently there. He's invested in this journey with me, in this relationship with me. And He's not just in it for today or to get me through my current crisis. He is in this for the long haul -- to my death and then beyond my death into all eternity. His view of our relationship is much greater than mine often is. And each moment holds another revelation of His true Self to me, if I'm willing.

So, when I feel forsaken, abandoned, forgotten, has He forgotten me? No. It is impossible. What has abandoned me is my small view of Him. He has blown apart yet another of my "little gods" that I had inadvertently created. These little gods are ideas about Him (that are not true) that I worship instead of Him, that I hold onto instead of Him, that I use as ammunition against Him in my angry tirades at Him. But they only serve to block me from Him. Therein lies my feeling of abandonment. I have a shield against Him of my own creation. And I feel alone.

When I'm feeling alone, without His presence, what do I do? I pray. I ask Him to reveal the lie that I have believed about Him.
                   If God is truly good, truly loving, will He allow deep pain to touch my life? Yes.
                   If He cares about me, will He refuse to give me some things that I desperately desire? Yes.       
                   If He is present in my life, will He allow things to fall apart? Yes.

Sigh. I don't understand.

So, I ask Him for an expanded and corrected view of Him. I ask Him to show me how He is present to me, to re-frame my current circumstance and pain so that I may see Him accurately. Because He is there. He is as close as my next breath. He cannot forget me or be far off.

But my little gods easily can get blown apart in the face of His true self, His true working, His loving plan that I don't understand. And that is what He's all about -- destroying things which stand between His heart and mine beating as one.

Lord, give me the heart to see you more clearly and to see your true Self amidst my pain. I want to know You, not some smaller, controllable version of you that I have created.

Pain or not, I'm in this for the long haul.

For all eternity.

I'm in.

Undaunted Radiance

"Undaunted radiance is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can alter." -Oswald Chambers

I love the phrase "undaunted radiance."


It is nothing at all to do with the facial structure or skin tone.


Undaunted radiance is a fountain of glory springing up from a soul's center that is assured of His complete and total infatuation and delight.

Nothing can diminish  that sort of radiance, so it can stand in the face of heartbreak or monotony undaunted.

Undaunted.

You Are Not Alone

This is the song that He sang to me one night as I wrestled with my past, my fears for the future, my wounds that were aching. For those on a similar journey, may He sing to your heart as well.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

Though your fears are rising high,

                                                     creeping like the tide,

                                                                                        listen. deep inside.

                                                                                                                    for it is there I reside.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

When the darkness is so deep, I know that you can’t see

                                                                                       the light that is Me.

                                                       Just rest and be.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

I am not afraid of the mess.                                        I am not afraid of the pain.

You are never too much.                                            I am not afraid of your rage.

                                                          Pour it out on me.

For when it’s out, you can see

                                        that the Hope, the Life, the Light you need

Is Me

Is Me

Is Me

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

What Made My Heart Happy from the 2011 Oscars

While not an incredibly remarkable Oscar year, I would have to say that it left me as satisfied as a meal a McDonald's -- no longer hungry, but wishing I had something better.

My favorite looks were from Marchesa, Vera Wang, and Vivienne Westwood.

I'll start with sweet Hailee Steinfeld. While not a fan of her performance in True Grit, the little girl in me loved her dress (not so much the shoes, though. A fourteen-year-old in five-inch spikes? YIKES! It is a bit like Princess meets Hooker).

I haven't been able to get this dress out of my mind for the last few days, and as I pondered why, I concluded that it was because this dress took me back to one of my earliest fashion memories -- Vera-Ellen in the film White Christmas. I always wanted  a dress like the ones she wore in her first dance scene with Danny Kaye. Sigh  . . .

Hailee somehow got the dress I always wanted as a little girl.

The other gown by Marchesa that I liked was worn by Halle Berry. What I liked about this gown on her was how the color of it highlighted her mocha skin tone. Oh, it makes my heart sing to see how the colors play off each other, the undertone of the dress picking up the tone of her skin. The tulle around the bust adds visual interest without making too much fuss, while the lower layers of tulle hearken back to Old Hollywood style -- but are saved from the unfortunate Marisa Tomei "archival" incident this year by their asymmetrical styling and lack of uniform layering. And, truly, I give a hearty thanks to Halle for dressing her beautiful body with grace and style (as women with far less this year smashed, squeezed and tortured their bodies into dresses that should not have been options. 'nuff said.)

The next dress is not one of my favorite looks, but rather an example of an amazing dress wearing the woman. Sandra Bullock is beautiful, absolutely beautiful, but this Vera Wang wore her this year. Instead of looking like glorious Sandra, she looks like Sandra playing the role of Hollywood Royalty. The shade of red -- instead of complimenting her skin tone -- made it appear pale and ghostly, highlighting her lips in a non-flattering way. She wears the difficulty of her past year with a regal grace and grounded savvy evident in her poise and face. I wish she had found a dress that allowed her to stand regally, instead of her dress.

My last noteworthy selection is from Vivienne Westwood, worn by Helen Mirren. Ms. Mirren makes my heart glow. As so many others in Hollywood botox, sculpt, cream and surgery to delay their inevitable fall, Ms. Mirren has shown that the greatest beauty comes from a life lived in each moment, from acceptance of who you are, from delight in beauty at any age. Every year I look forward to seeing what she selects because she is a woman of class and dignity who dresses her body in a way that expresses her high-view of her own personal worth.